Book holistic > Learn to love the reflection in the mirror with IFS Therapy

Meet Lea. She’s in her late 20s, thriving in a creative career, and enjoying a stable relationship. Her free time is filled with hiking adventures and dancing. From the outside, her life seems picture-perfect. But inside, she feels stuck in a rut. Every morning, as she gazes into the mirror, a wave of dissatisfaction hits her. She fixates on her body: her stomach feels too big, her thighs too heavy, her legs too short, and her arms too chubby. She notices how her hair and skin have lost their luster, appearing dry and tired. The negative thoughts cascade, leaving her overwhelmed. And when she steps on the scale, the number she sees ruins her day entirely.

Inside Lea's mind, a critical voice echoes relentlessly, calling her unattractive and lazy. This voice demands perfection, pushing her to skip meals, endure grueling workouts, and chase an impossible standard of beauty. But there's another part of her that seeks comfort in food, a temporary escape from the emotional storm. Inevitably, another part surfaces, paralyzed by the conflict between restriction and indulgence. This part shuts her down entirely, overwhelmed by the complexity of her emotions. Most of the time, the part that craves food wins, leading to uncontrollable eating, followed by a tidal wave of guilt, shame, and anxiety. This cycle becomes a relentless loop, leaving Lea feeling trapped, hopeless, and disconnected from her true self.

If this story feels all too familiar, know that you’re not alone. Lea’s experience is a painfully common one. The internal struggle can be exhausting and disheartening, like an ongoing battle where every part of you is fighting for control. It’s easy to feel at odds with yourself, torn between conflicting desires and emotions. But what if those parts of you, as harsh and contradictory as they seem, are actually trying to help you? This is where Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy comes into play.

IFS offers a revolutionary approach to understanding and connecting with these different parts of yourself: the inner critic, the part that tries to control your body and food intake, the part that seeks comfort in food, and the one that shuts you down. By approaching these parts with curiosity and compassion, you can begin to see that they’re not your enemies. Instead, they’re protective parts of you, each trying in its own way to shield you from emotional pain, even if their methods sometimes cause more harm than good.

These protective parts guard something deeper, a vulnerable, wounded part of you that feels unworthy, unloved, or hurt. These vulnerable parts are the source of the emotional pain that the protective parts are trying to shield you from. Through IFS, you can gradually get to know and understand these protective parts, developing a relationship with them that allows you to connect with the vulnerable, hidden parts they are trying to protect. From a place of compassion and calm, you can listen to the wounded part’s story, understand its pain, and begin the journey toward healing.

In IFS, this healing process is guided by what’s known as your true Self, the core of you that is naturally calm, compassionate, curious, courageous, and connected. As you connect with your wounded parts from your Self and allow them to release their pain, your protective parts begin to relax. They start to trust that your Self is capable of handling difficult emotions and providing the support and care that may have been lacking in the past.

This process is incredibly empowering because the source of healing comes from within you. While a therapist guides and supports you, the insights, transformations, and healing are ultimately yours. You become the leader of your internal system, restoring balance and harmony to the different parts of yourself.

After years of pain and dread, Lea decided to seek support from an IFS therapist. After several months of therapy, her reflection in the mirror began to look different. She still hears the harsh, critical voice, but now she understands why it’s there and can meet it with compassion. Moreover, she also hears a gentle, loving, and supportive voice, a voice that is grateful for her body and all that it can do. Now, when Lea sees herself in the mirror, she goes to the kitchen to make herself breakfast. She enjoys her food and moves through her day with a newfound sense of balance and inner calm.

This is what healing can look like. Through IFS, you too can transform your relationship with your body, food, and, most importantly, yourself.